Recovery
by LaraCroftTR65
Summary: Based on the start of season 4 of Castle, so spoiler alert. I don't own any of the rights, they all go to ABC and the writers of the show. Montgomery's funeral doesn't quite go to planned and it ends with Beckett in the hospital. The story features her shooting and her recovery in hospital, with visits from the other characters that we don't see in the show.
1. Chapter 1

Standing on that podium, Kate felt sick. Her stomach twisted nervously as she thought of that night again. Captain Montgomery had died to save her. Unwillingly, she pictured his lifeless body lying on the floor in a small pool of blood. Her stomach wretched as she remembered running to him. She had felt her heart stop in that moment. She knew he was dead and nothing she could do would bring back her captain. Her chest constricted as she continued her speech. Beckett didn't feel right; standing here with Montgomery in the coffin in front of her, when really, it should be the other way around. She had been there and she hadn't saved him. The captain had made Castle take her away. But still Kate felt a horrible twinge of regret; survivor's guilt ate at her insides. She pressed on, fighting down those thoughts. She wanted to finish her tribute to her captain. She wasn't going to ruin it with her own feelings. It was the last thing she could do for him. She would do him proud and honour his sacrifice.

Beckett heard a bang and an intense burning in her chest cut her off. She heard screams from the mourners and Castle yelling, 'Kate!'

She felt a warm weight push her to the ground. Beckett couldn't breathe. She felt herself getting weaker as she struggled to find air. The burning in her chest was unbearable, searing through her chest like fire. Her eyesight turned black at the edges as the fire slowly engulfed everything. Something warm and sticky gushed out from the fire, pouring down her chest. It took her a moment to realise it was her blood.

Through the haze that had descended on her mind, she could only see one thing. She tried to keep her focus fixed on Castle as if he could somehow keep her pinned to life. If she could see him, she was okay; she was not dead. She could hear his pleading with her, asking her, begging her to stay with him. And then he said something that shocked her more than the sudden inferno in her chest.

'I love you, Kate.'

What? Surely she had misheard him. Had Castle just said that he loved her? Castle? Her heart fluttered, but right then, that may not have been such a good sign. She tried to reply. With all her heart, Kate wanted to tell him that she loved him too, that she had for a while now, but as more of her precious blood pooled on the ground, she became to weak to do anything. A tear ran down her face.

'Damn him,' she thought weakly. 'He had to wait until I was dying to tell me.' And with that last thought, her vision faded to black and she would never get to tell Castle how she felt. And, for the second time that week, she felt her heart stop.


	2. Chapter 2

The next part of Kate's life passed as sound effects only, punctuated by a dark nothingness when she could hear nothing, as she fell in and out of consciousness.

Wheels skidding across tarmac. Darkness.

Sirens blaring loudly. Darkness.

Someone crying. Darkness.

Doors being thrown open and the slam as they hit the wall.

A woman saying...saying...it was difficult to make her out.

'Don't die,'? Was that it?

She was gone before Kate heard anymore. Darkness.

'Female...31...to the chest...'

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

'...vitals...'

'...dropping...'

'...losing blood...'

Darkness.

'Kate!'

A new voice broke into her haze. She knew him but she couldn't quite put a name to it.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

'She's my girlfriend...'

Josh! His face sprang to life in her mind. But why was Josh here? Shouldn't he be at the...hospital? Slowly it dawned on Beckett where she was. She was lying on an operating table. She could almost smell the overpowering aroma of disinfectant.

Beep. Beep. Beep. It was becoming more spaced apart now.

She felt something pierce her side and would have screamed if she could. She would have struggled if she could. But she could do nothing. She lay and waited for the pain, but strangely it never came. What were they doing? The bullet was in her chest, not her left side! Kate heard something splash onto the cold, tiled floor and lost consciousness again.

Beep. Beep. Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee -


	3. Chapter 3

Beckett's eyes fluttered open. She blinked several times, trying to make sense of her surroundings. Everything was white. There was a strong smell of disinfectant that made her head swirl. She could hear a machine beeping to her left. There was only a few rays of sunlight forcing their way into the room through a crack in the curtains.

'Katie!'

Beckett's attention was drawn right. Her dad was sitting there with dark circles under his eyes and his greying hair sticking up at weird angles, as if he hadn't combed it in days. He looked concerned and overjoyed at the same time and tears glistened in the corners of his eyes.

'Dad?' Kate's voice was thin and raspy and the sound shocked her. It sounded as if she hasn't spoken in a week.

'Shh, it's okay. Everything's okay now Katie.' He grabbed her hand and stroked it soothingly. 'You'll be all right. You're a fighter, Katie. I always told you that. Even the doctors said it about you.' He rubbed a tear away from his eye.

'What? What happened?' She was confused.

Her father stared at her, unsure of what to tell her.

'Don't you remember Katie?', he asked gently.

'I remember...I remember being at the podium and - and then...' Kate paused as the moment flashed past her eyes again. There was a bang and then the fire in her chest.

'I remember the shot,' she said slowly.

'Do you remember Castle trying to save you, sweetie?'

Castle. How could she forget? But she wasn't ready to hear that now. She had just been shot, Montgomery was dead; she just couldn't handle anything else.

'No,' Beckett lied. 'I don't remember much afterwards. Just darkness, really.'

He father gave her a concerned look. 'Well, he's really worried about you. We all are Katie.'

'I can see,' she smiled weakly as bouquets of brightly coloured flowers and get well cards littering her bed side table caught her eye.

Kate looked back to her dad. The dark, bruise-like circles under his eyes made him look much older.

'Dad, go home. Get some rest. I'm fine now. You don't have to stay,' she told him.

'Katie-'

'Dad. It's okay. You can't stay here twenty four seven to watch me. I'll probably just be asleep. Go home and rest. You can come back tomorrow,' Kate reasoned.

Mr Beckett sighed sadly and stared out of the window.

'Okay,' he said slowly. 'Okay Katie.' He looked back at her and got up. He kissed the top of her head lovingly. 'Get better soon, okay?'

'I promise,' she smiled.


	4. Chapter 4

Kate woke with a start. She had broken into a cold sweat and she was breathing heavily. Her hands were shaking. She had been dreaming about Montgomery again. She couldn't close her eyes without seeing him, just lying there on that stone floor. Her head was pounding. But that wasn't what had woken Detective Beckett. Her side felt like it was going to burst. The pain struck her again and involuntarily, she let out a pained groan. Quickly, she glanced around the ward but thankfully, no one else had heard.

Kate gripped her side and clenched her teeth together angrily to stop any further outbursts. She closed her eyes and tried inhaling and exhaling slowly to rid herself of the pain.

The pain subsided after a few minutes and Beckett dropped her head back on the pillow, suddenly drained of energy.

Gingerly, she moved her fingers to her chest and felt the bullet wound in her skin. As she touched it, she felt the embers of the fire burn around the edges. Her own personal war mark. Kate's eyelids drooped and before she knew it, she was asleep and dreaming once again of Montgomery.


	5. Chapter 5

Beckett opened her eyes and the blinding light made her head pound.

'Ow,' she groaned, rubbing her forehead.

'Are you okay?'

Kate jumped at the proximity of the voice. She opened her eyes to find her best friend, Lanie, sitting in a plastic chair, smiling happily but melancholically at the same time.

'Fine, once I recover from the heart attack you just gave me,' Kate laughed weakly. Her voice was still quiet and raspy without practise at talking.

'You? Girl, I thought you were going to end up on my table down at the morgue. I'm warning you, if I ever find you there, I'll kill you.' Lanie raised her eyebrows in a look that told Kate she was only half joking.

'Thanks,' Beckett smiled at her.

'For what?' Lanie seemed surprised.

'I heard you kept me alive until the ambulance came and even then, you chewed a guy up when he tried to tell you to get off the gurney.'

'Oh yeah that. Well, only the best for my friend, right?' Lanie laughed again.

Kate grinned weakly and held her side as the pain erupted again. Her breath rate kicked up a few notches and Lanie reached for her friend's hand.

'You okay? Do you want me call the nurse?' Lanie asked her anxiously.

'No, no it's fine. It'll pass,' Beckett rasped, clutching her side.

'Don't be any more of a hero. You already did enough of that to last a life time,' Lanie told her.

'Seriously, Lanie, I'm okay.' Kate relaxed as the pain eased again.

'Okay, your call,' Lanie sighed.

The pair sat in silence for a few moments. Lanie was trying to let Beckett relax before continuing.

'Do you want me to do your hair?', Lanie asked her. 'I don't mind how you look, but if you let your hair get messy, you may repulse some of your visitors later,' she joked.

'Oh thanks,' Kate grinned. 'Yeah, why not?', she shrugged.

Lanie pulled the chair slightly behind her and lifted her hair gently. She split the hair on the top into three sections and began to braid it, adding more hair to each strand as she went along. She worked silently and diligently, her steady medical examiner's hands making light work of the task. After a few minutes, she tied a bobble in her friend's hair and draped the end of the braid over Kate's shoulder.

She smiled, proud of her work, and she told Beckett so, but got no reply.

When Lanie looked at her friend, Kate was lying back on the pillow with her eyes shut. She breathed in a even, steady rhythm and her chest raised and fell slowly, indicating that she had fallen asleep again.

'You take it easy, girl. Get better soon, sweetie,' Lanie said, patting her friend's hand and wiping away her tears with the other hand.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N Sorry this chapter took a while. I hope you enjoy it now that it's here. And thank you for reading it. I also appreciate any reviews you may have on any of my stories :) thanks guys **

Kate sat up in her bed. She was still exhausted but she would at least sit up today. She felt like she had made no progress, even though the nurses marvelled at her recovery and made sure to tell her. But Beckett felt that she didn't have anything measurable to go by; no milestone to mark her progress. So she decided to make her own and sitting up, although a small task, was her first real milestone since awakening. Her head was cloudy from the pain medication but it helped to keep the sickening thoughts from buzzing around her head like angry wasps.

The door to her ward opened and Ryan and Esposito walked in sombrely, holding a huge bouquet of flowers each. They glanced around the room, searching for her and Kate smiled as Ryan nudged his friend and they headed over.

'It's nice to see how the other half live,' Esposito joked with her, 'lounging in bed while the rest of us are out working our asses off.'

'You can trade with me any day, Espo,' she smiled grimly.

'How are you doing?' Ryan asked.

The fact that they weren't using gallows humour for the whole conversation let her know just how worried they were about her.

'I'm okay, just tired,' she sighed, rubbing her eyes with the heels of her hands. That's all Kate ever seemed to tell people now. 'I'm just tired.' But she was. She was completely exhausted all the time now. She felt weak and horrible and lifeless, her head was always foggy and her chest and side were agonising. Plus she had the added strain of a person who wanted to kill her on the loose and of Castle's admission of his love for her. Hell, she hadn't been ready for that.

'I'll be fine,' she repeated to them, although it was as much for her own benefit as theirs.

Esposito placed the flowers beside her bed.  
He jumped straight to the point. 'What do you remember anyway?'

Kate had been asked this several times now; by nurses, doctors, her dad and she replied with the same lie she had fed to all of them.

'Not much. I remember the shot and then, everything is a blur. Half of my memory is just darkness,' she added. Which was true, she did remember a lot of darkness but she didn't want to discuss what she did remember.

'You don't remember Castle then?' Espo asked, exchanging a worried glance with Ryan.

'No but I heard he tried to save me. He tackled me, right? That's what my dad told me anyway,' she told them.

'Yeah, that's it,' Ryan said grimly.

'Wow, that's all you've got? You're slipping Detective. I thought you were supposed to be good with detail,' Esposito ribbed her.

'Hey I could paint the darkness for you, it's imprinted in my mind in such good detail,' Beckett laughed lightly and grimaced as the pain pierced her side again.

The guys opened their mouths to ask if she was okay, but Kate took a deep breath and cut them off, hoping that she could the pain out of her voice.  
'Any developments in that particular case?' she asked hopefully, praying that they had found something that would lead to her attempted killer. She hated constantly checking over her shoulder every time a shadow moved in the corner of her eye. She hated that sometimes she would wake up in a cold sweat, feeling his menacing eyes glaring through the dark at her, feeling his warm breath on her neck. She swore one night she heard him whisper that this wasn't over yet.

'I will find you and next time, you won't be so lucky...,'

Beckett suppressed a shudder.

Espo and Ryan exchanged a dark glance. They ducked their heads simultaneously and Ryan turned away.

'Still working on it,' Esposito half smiled, hoping to be reassuring, but Beckett knew that it didn't take her experience in the interrogation room to know that they had squat.

'I'll be back to help as soon as I can. It sounds like you're falling apart without me,' she grinned.


	7. Chapter 7

'Kate?'

Beckett turned from staring out of the window. She had been so lost in thought she hadn't even heard him approach.

Her heart sank a little when she saw Josh's expectant smile. Her breath hitched in her throat and for a millisecond, she froze, not sure of what to say to him. The one thing she was sure of was that she didn't love him anymore. Or at least, she couldn't be sure anymore. Ever since Castle's admission, Kate couldn't look at Josh the same. He was such a great guy, a damn great guy, she added emphatically, so what was the problem? He wasn't Castle.

But Beckett wasn't ready to have this conversation yet. Hell, she wasn't even sure if she didn't love him. Josh was a great guy and she had fun with him. But when she looked at him, she didn't feel the same...spark that she did when she looked at Castle. She didn't feel the urge to be close to him, or to push his floppy hair back from his forehead lazily or to hold his hand to see how it felt in hers and never let go. Nothing about Josh made her feel giddy anymore. He didn't offer the same release that Castle did. But she had loved Josh. Surely she still did?

The pain medication was making her head swirl. This was not the time or the place. Thinking of love was enough to make anyone's mind foggy, never mind someone was physically exhausted and cloudy on medication.

'Hey, I didn't hear you come in,' she smiled politely.

'I didn't want to disturb you. You looked preoccupied. Was the view that interesting?' he joked, pointing towards the window that framed a view of the adjacent grey skyscraper.

Beckett half-smiled and shook her head at him. This was what she was talking about. She did have fun with him. But was it enough anymore? Castle was willing to take a bullet for her. How could she be with anyone else when he was willing to die in her place?

'Yeah, it's breathtaking,' she said sarcastically, distracting herself. If she kept talking, there was no time for thinking.

Josh pulled a chair up close to her bed and sat down, holding her hand gently.

'Wait, aren't you supposed to be working?' she asked, throwing him a skeptical look.

'No, I turned up early to see you,' Josh explained. 'I've got to take rounds today so unless you're nice to me, I'll lead a bunch of grad students in here to gawk at you,' he chuckled, his eyes twinkling.

'You do that and I will kill you,' Beckett laughed weakly, glaring at him in what should have been a look that could kill, but was less threatening through her tired eyes.

'Okay, okay, I give. No interns. I guess I'll just have to find someone else for them to stare at,' he laughed.

'Yeah, you do that,' she told him firmly with a half smile playing on her lips.  
Josh glanced down to his lap and then caught Kate's eye. He beamed proudly and let go of her hands.

'I got you a little something,' he whispered, leaning in closer so that his breath tickled her ear.

Beckett's heart dropped again. Here she was thinking about how she may not even love this man and he was buying her gifts. She felt completely rotten.

'Josh, you didn't have to -' she started, trying to suppress the guilt that was beginning to chew on her insides.

'Shh,' he whispered. He lifted a red box on to her bed and pulled open the lid for her.

Sparkling back at her was a beautiful silver bracelet, inlaid with tiny diamonds that shone rainbows when they caught the light.

'Wow,' she breathed. It was all she could say.

Slowly, Josh lifted the bracelet out of the box and secured it around her wrist.

'Thank you Josh, you really shouldn't have,' Beckett said, still staring awestruck at the bracelet.

'No, this bracelet looks good on you. It's got diamonds,' he grinned, twisting it on her wrist so that it sparkled in the light.

She looked up at him and caught sight of the door moving in her peripheral vision. Her heart jumped when she saw him walk in and a huge smile split her face. It was completely involuntary and caught Kate by surprise.

'Shouldn't that be the kind of reaction I have for Josh?' she asked herself, questioning once again if she should end things with Josh and take a chance on Castle.

'Hey, Castle,' Kate beamed and her voice sounded lighter than it had in days.

'I'll see you after rounds,' Josh said and kissed her head before fixing an icy glare at Castle that Beckett wasn't supposed to see. The look on Castle's face told her that something had happened between the two of them. She just couldn't understand what they had fought about.

'Yeah,' she said lightly to Josh as he left, never once taking her eyes off Castle.

'Hey,' he smiled. Just that simple greeting alone made her heart flutter.

Castle stared at her, an amused faint smile fixed on his lips. Suddenly Beckett was very glad that Lanie had plaited her hair the day before.

'You're staring at me. I must look really bad,' she said thinly in a raspy voice, covering her face with her hand.

'No, I just never thought I'd see you again.' Castle stared at her again for a few seconds, saying nothing. Beckett watched happily, drinking in every detail of him that she could. His sweet smile, his dark hair, his piercing eyes.

'I heard you were opening a flower store so I thought I'd pitch in,' he joked, breaking the silence by holding up the huge bouquet of flowers he had bought. He pulled up a chair beside her and a shiver ran down Beckett's spine.

'They were all here when I woke up. I think they're mostly from the precinct,' she explained, nodding weakly to the bouquets. 'I don't think I'm going to live this one down, Castle,' she grinned.

'Oh,' Castle seemed as if he was going to argue and then agreed with her instead. 'Probably not.'

Beckett tutted and rolled her eyes, giggling at him. He always seemed to know how to make her smile.

'I hear that you tried to save me,' she tried, glancing through careful eyes, measuring his reaction.

'Yeah, I, uh...you heard?...You don't remember me tackling you?' he asked, disappointment dominating his face, even though he tried to hide it.

'How does he ever win poker?' Kate thought to herself.

'No, I don't remember much of anything. I, um, remember that I was on the podium and then I remember everything just going black,' she told him slowly, hoping that this would make him back off a little. 'I know why you're here,' she thought, 'but please don't ask me.'

'You don't remember...,' Castle began.

'Please don't,' she begged silently. Castle swallowed slowly and seemed to reconsider his question.

'The gunshot?' he finished.

'No...They say that there are some things that are better not being remembered,' said Beckett, praying that he would take the hint because this conversation was beginning to make her head swirl and she felt sick to her stomach.

'Yeah,' he agreed reservedly.

'I keep seeing his face, Castle,' she said, changing her tactics, just like she would in an interrogation. You could take the girl out of the uniform, but you couldn't take her instincts. 'Every time I close my eyes, I see Montgomery lying on that hangar floor.' Beckett paused and stared at the foot of her bed, imagining her captain lying in the pool of blood. 'You should have let me go in there,' she shook her head, feeling tears threatening.

'They would have killed you,' Castle retorted quickly.

'Oh, you don't know that,' Beckett said quietly.

'Kate -'

'Castle,' she interrupted him. 'I'm really tired right now,' she told him, now just desperate for an excuse to end this conversation. She wanted to see Castle but everything around him was a reminder of things she didn't want to think of yet. She just couldn't cope with all of that at once.

'Of course.' Castle worked hard to cover the surprise and hurt on his face. 'Of course. We'll talk tomorrow.' He lifted himself out of his chair and, grabbing his coat, headed for the door.

'Do you mind if we don't?' Beckett called weakly after him. Castle whirled around and this time, fully failed at concealing the shocked pain in his eyes.  
'I just need a little bit of time,' she explained gently, trying to lighten the blow a little.

'Sure. Sure,' he muttered. 'How much time?'

'I'll call you, okay?'

'Sure.' He turned and walked towards the door again. Castle paused with his hand on the door handle, and glanced back at Kate, the hurt shining in his eyes and his mouth still hanging open in surprise.

And then he left and the door shut behind him with a tiny thud.

And Kate felt worse than when she had been shot.


End file.
